Biding farewell to 2010

This year has been a whirlwind experience for me. After 4 years of harship finally I have earned a degree in college.
And after 3 months I took one of the hardest exams I ever took, the Nurse Licensure Examination.
I waited for a few months while training for work at Convergys for a technical support representative spot
For the result and Viola! With the help of the Lord, support of my family and prayers of those who deeply cared
For me, I passed! Now I am proud to say that I have two additional letters attached to my name and have brought
Honor to my family. I stop working for Convergys due to some personal issues and then I decided to try working for
A hospital to practice my long time dream profession but alas! No luck. I had to wait for next year just to take another exam.
Again, I took my chance and applied for a call center representative job at Teleperformance luckily I was hired.
Now I'm starting to work their as a technical support representative for a internet providing company in Australia.
It was a very fun year except for the fact that some people significant in my life passed away.
My niece Jane Anne S. Englis 1year old and my best friend's mom Mrs. Yolly Abenojar. Which ofcourse will be missed.
And a FLOP love life. My "complicated relationship" with Reymond ended just like that after 4 months of me waiting for nothing.
Now I have learned my lesson, do not even attempt on having a relationship with your friends. And don't be involved with someone you know
That has a hoistory of being complicated. I also learned to value my parents and loved ones more. That life is so short just to spend on senseless and
Dense things such as vices and stuff.

And now for a change, starting this new year, I would definitely try to lose weight,
Be closer to my family, appreciate and love my job, and know and love God more than anything else. :)

Ofcourse I wish everybody a prosperous and productive New Year! Hehe
It's the perfect time to leave all my sorrows, fears and tears behind. :)

Christmas

Christmas - is a holiday observed generally on December 25 to commemorate the birth of Jesus, the central figure of Christianity. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas)

You will be missed.

It's been a while since I had opened my blog. Apparently there has been a lot going on but this is the one thing that really needs my utmost attention. It's been a week that my niece Jane Anne is suffering from fever. I was never aware of it not until last Sunday. My attention was caught by my aunt telling me to check on my niece because her fever was fluctuating and they're suspicious that it's dengue. So I did a tourniquet test. I wasn't able to finish the test that I conducted because she started crying and of course the initial reaction of her mom and my aunt was to remove the tourniquet from her arm. It showed some small petechial like rashes but that was inconclusive because I wasn't able to finish for 3-5minutes. The day after her mom decided to get her tested, they withdrawn blood from her to check for abnormalities which can indicate dengue but the results went out  normal. She was even brought to a pediatrician but the doctor just gave her anti pyretic and cough medications. She continued having fever and what went worst is she wasn't able to breath properly.  December 14 2010 at around 10:30pm my aunt called at our house luckily I was able to answer the phone call and she was asking me and my mom to check on Jane. We went there. She was quiet lethargic and has trouble breathing. my immediately thought that maybe she had phlegm lodged into her respiratory tract. But her mom said her daughter wasn't coughing at all. My mom on the other hand grabbed the child and tried to wake her up. She placed her in a standing position and performed back tapping. The kid tried to cough so we placed her into a prone position while trying to dislodge the formed mucus secretions blocking her airway.
My mom successfully removed a lot and finally Jane opened her eyes and started coughing. She still has labored breathing so her mom panic and brought her to a hospital. The following day didn't go as expected. They transferred to another hospital hoping to get more attention from doctors to help stabilize Jane. They went to Philippine Children's Medical Center where she was taken care of. I never knew about this until I woke up. I was online when one of my cousins called and asked what's the tube inserted to the mouth called? I was thinking of two things. One was Endotracheal tube and the other was Nasogastric tube. I immediately asked her for what reason. Then she told me that she wants to speak to my mom. My mom argued with her and asked what was the diagnosis of the doctors. I was stunned when they said it was Septic Shock.I got a bit confused because my cousin said Jane's vital signs were at a normal range. I wanted to panic but I don't want my mom to feel the same way. She asked me what it was and I said it was already a wide spread of bacteria in the body and causes multiple organ failure. My mom insisted to get Jane in a oxygen tent instead of the Endotracheal tube. I wanted to object but of course since they don't consider my opinions I just shut my mouth. I sleep after that hoping that everything will turn out okay. I woke up at around 9pm in the evening and for some reason I had an icky feeling that something was wrong. My sister was already at home doing her project so I asked her what was going on. She told me that they are fixing our place for Jane's wake. Again I was shocked. I did not answer for a while because I can't believe what I just heard. I asked her again. "What happened?" She told me my niece is dead. I sighed for three times and stared blankly through the room. I can't believe what I just heard. Denial was the first thing that came to mind. No, it can't be. It was just last night that I was holding her hair and saw her breathing and looking at me. I broke down and tears were flowing off my face. I started thinking she just celebrated her first birthday last December 04. Why now? It's going to be Christmas. Why so soon? She haven't tried talking a straight way and never did she walked continuously. I was a witness on how that little innocent baby grew. I saw her shrieked whenever her mom leaves her side. Laugh and giggle when we make her do so. Crawl all over the place. She even attempted to talk. Not now. She can't leave us this early..

Before 12am her parents arrived and they fixed the place. I was staring at them from our door. I can't go down. I kept on going in and out of my room trying to figure out what to do. Eventually I gathered the guts to go down and talk to her parents. I sat beside her mom. When I placed my hand on her leg she automatically started to cry. I can't help but cry as well. I hugged her and kept her calm. She was telling me what happened with a husky voice due to endless crying and yelling. Finally Jane was brought inside our compound in a little white coffin. I still can't believe my eyes. I was crying while she was being place on a brass table. The man from the funeral parlor removed the cover on the top of the coffin and everybody at the place started gathering in front of my niece. I don't want to take a look at her. I don't know what I would feel. After a few minutes I stood up and looked at her. She looked swollen due to the medications given to her. She looks bigger and just like her mom. She looked like as if she was just sleeping. I wanted to carry her like what I used to do. Play with her but know she is already as cold as ice and won't laugh if I start tickling her.

Another realization for me is that some good things come to an end. That life ends whether we like it or not.

In the memory of our little angel..
Jane Ann Senoro Englis
December 04, 2009-December 15, 2010
"May her innocent soul rest eternally with our Heavenly Father."

Being a BUm isn't FUN!

Today, I'm stuck here at home doing nothing. As you can see I'm pretty much guilty with what I have been doing with my life. I'm stuck in this place for more than a month and it doesn't feel good anymore. When I left Convergys I felt relieved because I don't want to feel sad because at my job. I went home felt that I am already at peace because I have my family with me. This is my comfort zone but how come now I feel that I'm a prisoner at this place? I can't seem to do anything productive at all. I want my life back.

NU 107 bids farewell. :'(

Today is the first day without you in my life. Today is the first Monday in ages that I didn’t have to drag myself out of bed to make it to the station before 6 AM. Today is the morning after what seemed like the longest goodbye I’ve ever had to endure.

You were an unexpected part of my life that came to be one of the most significant. I never thought you would come to mean as much to me as you did. I came to you at an unusual time in my life. I don’t think I even knew who I really was before I met you. I knew you as a big part of the lives of people close to me, people who grew up with you. You were a stranger to me all those years ago. I always felt a little undeserving to be associated with you in any way. 

As soon as you took me in, I felt like I arrived home. I was welcomed into a family that would never judge me, never tell me I had to be a certain way just to be accepted, never expect me to conform to any preconceived notion of the kind of person I was supposed to be.

Growing up gay in a conservative Catholic home wasn’t always easy. I blame myself for putting up walls over the years to keep my own flesh and blood from getting too close to me, out of fear that they would never understand who I truly am, or accept who I want to be. It’s still a struggle sometimes to fully feel at ease with showing my true self to the very people who have known me since before I could even speak.

Yet it was with you that I truly found my voice. Through the people you surrounded me with, you taught me how to believe in myself, and to let go of the fear that stifled and paralyzed me for far too long. Through the music you filled my ears with, you connected me to roots that once felt foreign to me, to a history that, in however small a way, I am now proudly part of.

I always said I would only get a tattoo if something truly meaningful happened to me. For years, I had this specific design in mind because I’ve always loved what it signified. There are a variety of interpretations for its symbolism, but my favorite one of all is that of the cyclical nature of life: for every thing that ends, something new always begins. It is my tribute to every single person who has touched my life during my days at NU: from the artists who have shared their time and tireless creativity, to all the listeners who have shared my commitment to loving the music that binds us all.

To all the people who I have laughed with, shed tears with, moved to the music with, spent sleepless nights with, and to those who paved the way for us to stand proud as the last songs played before static filled the airwaves, you know who you are and you will always be a part of me. 

The ink is beginning to even out. My skin is slowly starting to heal. And so too will the painful memory of saying goodbye to a place that was once a home to all of us. I will do my best to honor what that home stood for by living fearlessly, wherever life takes me next, whatever new cycle I find myself in. 

Thank you for all the memories. I will carry their mark on me always.

--- this was posted by one of NU 107's djs. I will miss NU so much.

these are some of the pictures I had taken from the last day. (November 7, 2010)

this is the last song played on the air.. Reminding me of my wonderful childhood memories. Long live NU. :'( hanggang sa muli.

Kamukha mo si Paraluman
No'ng tayo ay bata pa
At ang galing-galing mong sumayaw
Mapa-Boogie man o Chacha

Ngunit ang paborito
Ay pagsayaw mo ng El Bimbo
Nakakaindak, nakakaaliw
Nakakatindig balahibo

REFRAIN 1
Pagkagaling sa 'skwela ay didiretso na sa inyo
At buong maghapon ay tinuturuan mo ako

CHORUS
Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay
Na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig na tunay

Naninigas aking katawan
'Pag umikot na ang plaka
Patay sa kembot ng bewang mo
At pungay ng 'yong mga mata

Lumiliwanag ang buhay
Habang tayo'y magkaakbay
At dahan-dahang dumudulas
Ang kamay ko sa makinis mong braso, hooh

REFRAIN 2
Sana noon pa man ay sinabi na sa iyo, hoh
Kahit hindi na uso ay ito lang ang alam ko

(CHORUS)

La la la la, la la, la la, la la la

Lumipas ang maraming taon
'Di na tayo nagkita
Balita ko'y may anak ka na
Ngunit walang asawa

Tagahugas ka raw
Ng pinggan sa may Ermita
At isang gabi'y nasagasaan
Sa isang madilim na eskinita, hah

REFRAIN 3
Lahat ng pangarap ko'y bigla lang natunaw
Sa panaginip na lang pala kita maisasayaw

(CHORUS 2x)

CODA
La la la la, la la, la la, la la la [2x]

My eye opener.. :'(

Mothers

are

"God's

angels"..

sent

to us

to know

things

we

never

knew

and teach

us how

world

works..

never

miss

an opportunity

to make

God's angel

HAPPY..

tell them

how much

you're

grateful

having her..

And

ultimately,

love your

God's angel

twice yourself.

Mahalin po natin

ang mga NANAY

natin anu pa man

ang mga kapintasan

nila at maging

sino pa man sila..

'Twas a quote sent to me by Timothy, my bestfriend. His mother passed away last Thursday October 28, 2010 due to a complete heart block resulting to a cardiac arrest. I was personally asked by my bestfriend to accompany him during the wake. I went there a day before just to check on him. I was so shocked knowing that a week ago we were still talking about how his mom is doing with her dialysis, he said it was still in the same  he is still the one taking care of her and he is getting tired of doing so. I scolded him and told him it's his mom he's dealing with and besides it will be a some sort of practice for him since it is related to our field. And so the unexpected happened, I went there to comfort him for a bit after getting my license, I was stunned to know that I was his only companion for the day. I stayed with him for almost 5 hours, I did not want to leave him because I know he is hurting and he needs someone to talk to but I know I'll be the one to be scolded by my parents if I don't go home. The following day I witnessed thw wake and the cremation process for her mom, during the mass I was crying so hard, I felt so scared. Not only because I know that my bestfriend and his family are grieving but I was scared for my parents, for my mom.. I can't imagine my life without her. I know she has her flaws but that's what sets her apart from other mothers, she molded me  into who I am now. Sometimes she does have this mood swing which I don't understand. But I know she has been loving me unconditionally for the past 21 years, accepting me from all the wrong things I did. I want to make up for everything that she has done for me. I really realized a lot from what has transpired yesterday, I don't want to lose my mom.. I love her so much and I would even give up my life for her.. :'( (now I'm crying again.) sobrang takot talaga ako.. wag muna Lord please? Marami pa akong gustong gawin para sa family ko, sa parents ko, para sa mama ko. I want her to be proud of me. haaay.

My deepest condolences to the Abenojar family, I know that Mrs. Yolanda Abenojar is resting with God in heaven now. I hope that God will continue to guide and strengthen her family specially in this ordeal.

Happy Beer Day Beryl!

And so today is October 31st of 2010. I have been existing in this planet for 21 years. GREAT!

I know it's sounds like as if I'm not thankful, HELL NO! Of course NOT! I am very grateful to the Lord that He has blessed me to have my family and give the opportunity to meet other wonderful people.

I don't know why I'm not so psyched with all the celebration thingy on my birthday...

I was once the very excited kid who would like to celebrate her "DAY" with her friends.

But I grew up having just my family around every time it's my birthday.

Yeah I do understand, everybody has things to do like to go to their province and visit the tomb of their departed relatives.

It's an established fact that my birthday is like a NATIONAL HOLIDAY.

though technically it's just HALLOWEEN. which makes it creepy by the way. hehe

But then going back to my topic..

That was before I turned 18..

I envy my other friends and even my siblings coz whenever they celebrate their's their friends are always around. :'(

Once I even tried to have a birthday wherein I could include my friends. Well it succeeded a bit. I invited some of my highschool friends over for my 17th birthday and guess what.. Everyone was busy with school and a whole lotsa things. I was definitely disapppointed but since my mom has prepared food for us then might as well invite other people over. So I decided to have some of my college peers drop by our place. They came.. It was one of the most disappointing birthdays that I had. It was actually our enrollment day and they came over after they were enrolled. I wasn't. I enrolled late. It hurt me coz I wanted to be with them and the nerve to go to my birthday .... grabe... I didn't know if I should be happy or what.

Most of my birthdays, I had my nieces and nephews to blow my cake. They would even be the one to slice and first ones to eat it as I was just one of those who sings along with the happy birthday song.. sheesh.

That always happens.

The only birthday that I can remember where I felt important was my 18th birthday.

Wherein I celebrated at a restaurant danced with a cotillion, 18 roses, 18 candles, 18 gifts and a bunch of relatives, friends and neighbors.

I wasn't even that successful, some of those people whom I have asked to come didn't go. They didn't even confirm if they will. :'(

I told you my birthday sucks BIG TIME.

A year after that, another unsuccessful birthday there's nobody who came over. haay

on my 20th birthday which was last year was the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER.

I was online the whole day, I was waitng for a confirmation for a date with my WEIRD EX BOYFRIEND.

And none happened. I did not take a bath, I looked gruesome, my eyes were soggy coz I was crying the whole day.

Good thing my cousin came over and brought a cake for me.

I was at least relieved in a way that someone would even care to bring something for me.

What's even worse is that my closest of friends did not greet me.

GRABE TALAGA..

This year I organized a birthday bash for my friend.

I gathered all our closest friends, whom I call my Atchies.

Anne's mom cooked palabok since it was G's favorite food, Mac bought a chocolate mousse cake and I bought to pints on ice cream.

We went there along side with Reymond because I accompanied him in getting his license.

We had so much fun. I realized that I missed those people. My friends.. :(

3 days before my birthday I received a forwarded message from g asking what was the plan for my birthday. At first I tried to ignore it since I knew that something was cooking so I let them plan it secretly (though I already know about it)  Even Marla a gay friend of mine brought it up as well, he forwarded a message regarding my birthday and still I disregarded it coz I already know what the outcome would be.

A day before my birthday my boy toy kept bugging me and asks me if he can be with me on my birthday of course I said NO! I don't want to be with him. I don't like him other than being friends of course. I told him I will be going somewhere else with someone that he doesn't know. It irritated me that he keep on asking repeatedly about it. I got so pissed and started sending him messages which I knew would totally hurt him. But I was thinking that I should do that so he will realize that I don't really love him. haaay

cvg

After I graduated and took the board exam, I was really thinking of what I'm going to do after those things are done. Am I suppose to look for work? What type of work? Where? All this questions kept puzzling me after the board exam. Of course since I graduated as a Nurse I should work as one, but since there is a splurge of Filipino Nurses graduating and passing the NLE, how will I be able to find a decent job fit for my credentials? T'was hella tough, I had to think of other options and what I came up with was to work for a call center. Working as an employee for a call center is like joining the bandwagon as they say. It's like Filipinos last resort if you can't find a job which matches your bachelor's degree. Oh well, let's go back to my story so as I was saying it took me a 2 weeks after the board examination to try out for a call center. One of my friends got hired at this very prestigious BPO company located at Quezon City, he told me it was easy to apply and get hired. He coached me on the do's and don'ts on the interview and then somebody from the company called me up. I started freaking out because it happened so fast the next thing I knew, I had to go to their site and get interviewed the day after I got called.

              Breath in breath out.. as I was telling myself "You can do this! If they can why can't you!?" I was a bit late for the interview but it was okay. I was even praying I'll have someone with me so that I won't get so nervous. While waiting to be called, someone unexpected came it. It was Jundelle! By the way he is one of our batch's Cum Laude. I smirked and asked him why was he applying at the company. He smiled and handed his resume to the receptionist. He sat down beside me and shakingly said, "Wag ka maingay ah, nagapply na ko dito 2 weeks ago." I laughed and told him that he is not yet allowed to apply after a month.

And so we got called.. I was interviewed along side with a newly graduated Cum Laude of our batch, a call center veteran from NCO, and an ex OFW. I thought I sounded stupid throughout the interview, I did not talk a lot I had limited answers and already had a feeling that I will not pass, knowing that I had one of our Cum Laude's competing for the same position. Time for the evaluation so we had to wait at the reception area for our destiny. We were given papers which will say whether we passed or failed. I didn't look at mine yet because I was a bit petrified that maybe I failed. Sheesh.. Our Cum Laude failed! I was thinking WTH! He failed, so what's the sense of reading what's on my paper. :l But then of course, I had to take a look at it myself and to my surprise.... I PASSED!

I miss working in Convergys.

I really do..

it's just that when I think about how much I will suffer from all the scolding

and low scores that I will get from being

AT&T CWDSL Wave 10.8.2 

I am a Registered Nurse! :)

Back in 2006, I enrolled at a University that I have no idea why I did, I signed the papers noting that I will be taking up Bachelor of Science in Nursing. At first I was a bit hesitant knowing that it is a very tough course but since it's one of my dreams I went ahead and gave it a shot. Everything is new to me. A new environment, new people, new adventure.